“Physical, sexual, and psychological abuse are not teaching tools” (Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche) nor are they acts of compassion!
CRAZY GURU?
The first time I heard the term “crazy guru” was when the Gopis (Chokru, Saravati, Ona-Ali) spoke about Sri Donato as the guru whose wisdom was too advanced for regular people to understand (beaming red flag). They called her the Avadhuta master, which is a Hindu term representing someone who is “eccentric and who has achieved a state of being beyond ego-consciousness, duality, and worldly concerns and acts without consideration for standard social etiquette” (Hindupedia). The Gopis did not mention whether Sri Donato lacked basic regard for social etiquette but it was implied that her wisdom was not typical, hence, the label “crazy.” The term “crazy guru” might be derived from or associated with the Buddhist term ‘crazy wisdom’ which has its own controversies among some Buddhist teachers who couched their unethical actions under a spiritual wrap (I can do whatever I want without consequences because I’m enlightened and above social norms).
He [Chogyam Trungpa] introduced his recruits to “crazy wisdom,” the practice of using bizarre and sometimes abusive methods to jolt devotees into higher states of being. I’ve interviewed close to fifty ex-Shambhala members. They have told me stories of every type of mistreatment imaginable, from emotional manipulation and extreme neglect to molestation and rape—stories that turn Shambhala’s brand narrative, with its promises of utopia, upside down. (the Walrus, 2021).
As written by several individuals here, Sri Donato used traumatizing clearing sessions, excommunications, encouraging vasectomies, spying on disciples, controlling sexuality, separating couples. Two former members also allege sexual coercion.
Crazy wisdom? I do not see any wisdom in these actions, and I would also not use the term crazy as if Sri Donato was incapable of understanding what she was doing. These are, in my opinion, deliberate actions of a highly controlling and damaging leader.
As I looked online I found a Buddhist teacher who addressed the “crazy wisdom” justifications and explained that real crazy wisdom comes from eccentric, not unethical teaching methods. Wisdom, crazy or not, is rooted in compassion, it benefits the student and does not leave them traumatized and anxious (Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche).
BREAKING EGO?
This is another term that ruffles my brain and goes hand in hand with the “crazy guru” justifications – destroying one’s ego for spiritual enlightenment. Wow. This idea seems to be quite prevalent in many spiritual circles of old and current ones, so not surprisingly, it was also prevalent in Morningland. I remember hearing the Gopis talk about the importance of humbling (not breaking) our egos for our spiritual development. There is nothing wrong with being more humble, but this was quite a deliberate approach of inflicting shame upon trusting students!
Humiliation is a feeling of shame as a result of being disgraced or deprecated. The feeling sometimes leads to severe depression and deterioration of the individual’s sense of self-esteem (APA, 2024)
Gopi Chokru explained to a small group of us that they, the Gopis periodically help us spiritually by humiliating us publicly. Let that sink in. Being humiliated by our teachers was allegedly an act of compassion on their part! But was it, really? As disciples in Morningland, we were instructed to lower our heads and say “thank you” even when reprimanded publicly. Any resistance meant that we were not spiritually developed enough and that our ego was too strong. At least this is how I remember their guidance.
How can humiliation help anyone towards anything of value, healing, and worth? How is that not emotionally abusive, and further desensitizing people to other forms of abuse? How can any teacher avoid being abusive when their goal is another’s ego destruction? Since when is inflicting shame and emotional pain compassionate? How can anyone give a consent to such a treatment that can potentially destroy their own sense of self and worth?
It used to be worse, way worse. The worst examples of breaking egos in Morningland – in my opinion – took place in the late 70s and 80s during Sri Donato’s clearing sessions and purges of undesirable students. I assume those who held onto their sense of what is right and did not allow destruction of themselves! In the paragraph below, Sri Donato’s former disciple and assistant, Quota addresses Sri’s alleged attempt to break her friend’s ego:
After the first night of purges, I asked about the purpose of clearing sessions, and I stuck up for my best Morningland friend, TiOva. I asked why she attacked TiOva. Patricia told me it was to break her, her ego – in order to rebuild it. I told her I did not understand why it was necessary to “break” people or toss them out if they did not break, which she said was what they were doing.’” (Quota, Excommunication)
Dr Janja Lalich, leading cult researcher speaks about cult leaders breaking people’s egos to rebuild them into the cult persona the leader can use. In this process there is no space for one’s true self, personality, individuality and authenticity but complete conformity and submission to the cultic leader. Both, Quora and TiOva experienced a deep traumatic wounding that likely scarred them for a long time – I cannot imagine how anyone of right mind could justify such abuse as spiritually beneficent!
SPIRITUALITY AND MENTAL HEALTH SHOULD NOT BE EXCLUSIVE
Some spiritual circles seemed to have embraced more contemporary social norms that include upholding students’ safety and mental health. In other words – mental health and spiritual development can and should go hand in hand!
Student safety comes first. Speak openly about unethical behavior.
Leaving a teacher on good terms makes sense when the issue is just a matter of fit between teacher and student. When the issue is people being hurt or laws being broken, the situation is different.
Physical, sexual, and psychological abuse are not teaching tools.
In these circumstances, it is not a breach of samaya to bring painful information to light. Naming destructive behaviors is a necessary step to protect those who are being harmed or who are in danger of being harmed in the future, and to safeguard the health of the community (Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche).
I hope that we can stop giving all our power away to those who convince us that abusive behavior is somehow beneficial spiritually. I hope that we stop justifying our teachers’ unethical behaviors. I also hope that we can create healthier spiritual circles where students’ safety is upheld, and teachers’ actions are firmly rooted in true compassion and full accountability, leaving no trails of broken hearts, and wounded minds. There is so much more to be said about that . . .
Mantika, July 2023
