Can someone have a strong personal magnetism, be very kind and revered by their community, but behind closed doors behave in selfish or even abusive ways? Can such two opposites exist in one person? Sadly, yes. This behavior is so typical in narcissistic individuals, those who wear masks in public but take them off in private, revealing damaging behavior. This is not an isolated phenomenon in spiritual circles, often centered around a deified human – a guru.
Some of these idolized individuals claim to be enlightened and therefore to have no personality at all. Many spiritual circles claim that not having personality is why someone was able to achieve enlightenment in the first place. But Is that really true or possible, and can anyone really verify that? What we do know is the definition of personality and ego.
- “Personality refers to individual differences in characteristic patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving.” (American Psychological Association (APA).
- “Ego refers to all the psychological phenomena and processes that are related to the self and that comprise the individual’s attitudes, values, and concerns.” (APA)
So, if a guru can think, feel, and produce behavior, they have a personality, and if they have a sense of self – values, beliefs, concerns, they have an ego – with no guarantee that it will be a healthy one!
Group’s social isolation and Guru’s elevated role:
According to Mann PhD, some gurus may have developed spiritual powers or siddhis but have done little work on their personality. If such a guru is already established as a teacher (perhaps they opened an ashram in a city), they are often isolated from society, receive no supervision from their elders (many do not have any elders to answer to), and receive constant praise and adoration from their followers.
When a community sets itself apart from the world, or tends towards cult-like enclosure, there is no possibility for real feedback. Similarly, when teachers are highly elevated and viewed as perfect, they can become isolated and cut off from honest equals, partners, and spiritual friends.
A collective intoxication grows, created equally by teacher and student, each out of good intentions. But within this climate of unreal expectations it is easy for the teacher to get disconnected and out of touch, to feel, like Icarus before his fall, that he or she can fly forever” (J. Kornfield)
Once they have progressed to the point where they feel “so great,” an over-inflation of the ego results, wherein they will predictably give little or no credence to any constructive criticism that may be offered. Quite typically, their “greatness” is mirrored back by a group of loyal devotees in an inner circle who want to stay in good standing and avoid receiving the wrath of the teacher that might result from some personal disagreement or confrontation. The delusion becomes greater and greater, with no one to hold the teacher accountable” (Mann)
Guru’s Lack of Accountability
Even if the guru may have had good intentions, this unhealthy dynamic has a profound effect on everyone. This kind of guru does not fully understand the powerful relationship and transference that develops between them and their followers and does not take any responsibility for managing the situations that occur. It is not uncommon for such gurus to continue to inflate their self-importance while preaching the opposite for the followers. Followers are commonly seen as instruments to further the guru’s work and do not have any other value to the guru. They are treated as tools that the guru can use to accomplish a goal. The guru discards them at will with no accountability to the devotee.
“It is rare that such a leader can be held accountable by his community. If it is attempted, the overinflated “guru” will distort the facts, deny the truth, and change the rules of the community in order to justify his or her position and actions in order to maintain his or her standing.”
These teachers feel they are behaving correctly and actually feel justified in their actions because of the existing over-inflation of self. Such defensive actions often are accepted by the community members because they must maintain a level of denial in order to maintain their relationship with the teacher.”
Followers’ Denial
In the isolated social system, the followers see the guru as all good, perfect even. They cannot see such a person in their wholeness with good and bad behaviors because that would negate their role of a deified teacher, and higher moral status. Losing a cherished ideal can be extremely painful and many devotees take pride in ignoring reason to justify the guru’s unhealthy actions. In their eyes, the guru is all good, at all times.
The members’ lack of individuation makes it impossible for them to think clearly and discern finely the full facts of a situation. The members often are unable to maintain “whole object relationships,” in which the “good” and “bad” aspects of the teacher can be openly discussed and integrated (in other words – they see the teacher as only good despite the evidence to contrary, which tends to be denied on the spot). In the end, the integrity of the community becomes sacrificed through this process of splitting and denial.” (Mann)
This dynamic between the guru and their followers reinforces guru’s ego, and blinds the follower to the reality in front of them. It helps explain why some gurus despite some spiritual attainment engage in selfish behaviors, and why many followers with also some spiritual attainment remain blind to the reality around them.
The future lies in us taking responsibility
What if the future of spiritual development lies in relying on our own discrimination and facing reality, which includes understanding that people are multifaceted, including the gurus? Can a spiritual group exist without a guru ? Another thought – if the followers leave, does the guru’s ego deflate?
Jack Kornfield writes about being responsible for ourselves.
When we first enter the spiritual path, we often speak of the overcoming of obstacles, necessary striving, the purification of defilement, and the ardor of seeking God. But this language, though it may once have served us, can become excessively one-sided, setting one thing against another: worldliness against freedom, self-will against God’s grace, sin against redemption. It is a language built upon exclusion.
With maturity we are released from our initial one sided language. We move beyond the simplicity of good and bad, right and wrong. The world is no longer a battle between black and white, pure and impure; it is no longer a poisonous tree to be cut down or removed. Our vision of the sacred includes complexity, paradox, irony, and humor…..
No teacher or outside authority can give us the truth or take it away. In the end we will find that our heart holds the simple wisdom and unshakable compassion that we have sought all along.”
Mantika 2024
Sources:
Ronald L. Mann, Ph.D., Sacred Healing: Integrating Spirituality with Psychotherapy
Jack Kornfield, After Ecstasy, the Laundry
