Moonwolf / Rayne: Kurukshetra Diary

This letter is to all. What you are about to read was written by Moonwolf (The Original, from Escondido) as his “Battle” story. It is unedited and unedited from as it was written in November of 1976.


The time has come to catch and transcribe some of the myriad of thoughts racing through my computer in these last and beginning days of our lives.

Saturday November 6, 1976.

As Lillith passes over my sun, the day starts out as such, but ends on an extraordinary note. Tais and I went to see the movie “The Passover Plot”. As we were watching the move, another keeps popping into my head. This movie took place 2000 years ago also. Many of the same things that happened 2000 years ago are happening now! This thought bothered my greatly. Questions like “how will this movie turn out?” and thoughts like “We won’t let Donato be persecuted and mocked this time”. There was still a lot of doubt and worry attached to these thoughts.

Sunday November 7, 1976

Morning came quickly and it was a super clear, warm and windy day. Tais and I were off for a drive to Palomar Mountain. Our travels that day took us from Pauma Valley to Julian, to Ramona. We hadn’t expected to go to the place where DONATO had come in, but something took us there. When we got there we both flashed on the vast amounts of pain DONATO had gone through when he came in. Again, a great feeling of protection for the master swept through me. They won’t do it again this time!!! A little while later, after cruising around Ramona, we stopped for Sunday brunch at Jack in the Box. As we drove back down the mountain into the big city, we both felt a great urge to visit the teepee. Neither of us had ever been there before, but instinctively knew it was a high place. As we walked up the path, it was like walking into the kingdom. We got noticeably higher each step we took, level by level. When we reached the summit and could see from Powey to Palomar, from San Pasqual to the Sea, we were speechless. It was so high! I had never experienced such a great sense of freedom. It was like being up stairs, looking into infinity! WOW!!! The possibility of a conscious mind thought was one in a million. My feelings were that of being ONE with the entire universe. We watched the birds in flight and listened to the cosmic OM. We could actually see the energy in the air. Suddenly a bird flew by, Tais said “Boy, he really knows where he’s going.” I said “Yeh, he’s going home!” We also discussed that afternoon our attachedment to the Gopies and how we would be able to accept it when Sri would be going out to do her evangelizing. We both ended our day of meditation by agreeing neither of us had ever felt such intense high energy in the ethers.

There was a strange and unexplainable feeling that evening when I got to the Temple. Something special, Sri did the healing service and Celta, Melickia, and Nasanta all sat in the chair. The strange thing that evening was that Sri, Celta, and Melickia were all kind of quiet. Nasanta, on the other hand was happier than I had ever seen her. As service went on and Sri got up to talk about the retreat for the married couples that had been that weekend, I heard her say what a special day this was. She told us that Donato has made his Maha-Samadhi.

My first thought was that DONATO has reached a new level. That was right on! I couldn’t seem to feel any excitement about this though. Sri went on to talk about the Gopis calling an ambulance and the paramedics. I couldn’t believe what was being said and would not accept the idea that the master had left us. After all, “they” said that He would be here with us for forty more years. Was this a mistake in the whole huge plot? They didn’t plan for this little number to happen, did they? This whole movie is a pack of lies and they’ll do anything to cover up and bluff us. Another string of thoughts going on in my head at the same time was – how could DONATO the beautiful, compassionate, understanding friends to all, leave us here with the wolves? Why is it that everyone I have ever loved has hurt me so deeply and now you’re doing the same thing DONATO? I don’t understand anything, I’m so confused now. What will happen to MORNINGLAND, to the plan? Is it all over, did we all blow it again???? Huge guilt trips, remorse, anger and virtually every emotion imaginable was running in my computer, as some of the married couples who had been on he retreat were talking about the weekend. I was Physically, Mentally, and Emotionally sick when I went home.

Monday November 8, 1976

Five minutes after I woke I was at the Temple to see what was going on and to try to keep out of my emotional body. Saravati and a bunch of us began to sing some songs and it began to help a little. Sri came in for the new meditation, and to help many of the confused disciples who had heard the tape through the grapevine. I had come to realize that DONATO wouldn’t have wanted me to be down, so I was really working on it. After around 2 hours of massive clearing and much compassion on the part of the Gopis, many tapes were answered for me and I was in a pretty good space. Tais asked if I would go to lunch with her, I said I would and we met at the shop a few minutes later. When I saw her she was crying and it got worse until she finally flipped out. I took her to the teepee and as we walked up the path she began to calm down almost immediately. We talked for quite awhile and came to the conclusion that when one of us is down, then we get out of our ‘down’ by helping the other person, which in turn is helping ourselves, and we forget that we were down!

Tuesday November 9th 1976

I went to dinner at my mom’s house and I told her that DONATO had made her Maha-Samadhi. Maria explained that she had a dream on Saturday night that she had seen DONATO with the film of death over his eyes. My first verification!!! We started talking after dinner and I was totally swept into the emotional benjo-ditches. After an hour or so of total non-communication my mom said that I would have to choose between her or MORNINGLAND. Needless to say MORNINGLAND was my choice. She proceeded to tell me that she never wanted to see me or talk to me. I kept calling in DONATO, yet I knew this was my completion, not his. In the midst of the emotion I felt as if I had died and I felt myself going up, trying to run away from the pain. I just looked down on these two totally screwed up humans, too wrapped up in the pain to understand anything. I left that night in a complete state of emotional insanity. As I was driving home, all of the old suicide tapes ran wild in my de-wired computer. My last link to personal attachment/love had just told me she never wanted to see me again.

I went to Morningland and grabbed Sri. At that time I was ready to collapse, but as we talked about what had just happened, I felt the magnitude of compassion Sri has for us all. It just emanated from her as she comforted, and reassured me. In no time at all I was out of the pits and laughing a little. She helped me to see that I had chosen this lesson and that just a week earlier DONATO had told me of what just transpired. I went home and started writing. As I wrote about the past few days I felt as though I was physically dying. My centers were all messed up and I was in much pain. I talked to Tais and she helped to soothe the aches of personal loss I had gone through that night.

Wednesday November 10, 1976

It was the night of the wake at McLeods. When I first got there and saw DONATO’S body, I said to myself “OK, the joke has gone far enough. Now get up DONATO!” Then as I looked a little closer I saw that all the pain in his face was gone and that all that was there was an empty shell. Yes, there was a peaceful look on his face. (After all – he died f’ing his brains out. Edit year 2000). All of the pressure and load he had carried for us was gone. (LOL!!!ROTFLOL!!!) As the evening went on, Sri and Gopis went up to the casket to receive fire and water. Sri and Melickia both bowed when they were finished, but Nasanta kissed the body. This confused me a little. Something else clicked at the time which was a telephone call I had gotten from her that day. She called and I didn’t know who she was and as she talked I felt like she was speaking on one thing, but really had another tape on her mind. Just before she hung up I asked her if that was all she wanted. There was a pause an she said “Yes. That was it.”. I almost called her back to ask what she REALLY wanted.

Thursday November 11, 1976

Today was the day of the funeral. When I got to the park, I felt really distant from everyone. There was not much ONENESS. When the Gopis got up to speak, there was much energy in what they were reading out of the book of Urantia. As they read, I was noticing how the people were coming over the hills and I flashed back to 2000 years ago. Then I clicked into the Gopis and their interest in the sky. When we got back to the temple I was far from hungry and went into the temple to escape the scattered vibrations all over. A few minutes after I went in, Sri, Celta and Melickia all came in and Sri was giving them fire and water in the solar plexus and that puzzled me a little. The next thing I noticed was that they were in a pyramid facing the alter and Sri was talking to something. I heard Sri say, he has no power, and Melickia and Celta joined in, then we all joined in on the chant. The chant changed to “DONATO the Christ”. Sri started called people up into what was now a circle. I felt an urgency to get up there and help, but at the same flash in time there was a great fright and I wanted Sri to call my name. Well at the same second, she did and I was in the circle. I could see the people in the circle flipping out and loosing it. That is when one of the Gopis would look into their eyes and chant even more intensely. The chant had to be changed quite frequently as the dark forces (yeh, right edit 2000) would make it sound like “you’re not of the Christ”. It was really a trip!!! At this point of time some of the Gopis were still outside the circle and Nasanta was over to one side. Sri then said in almost a scream “GET BEHIND THEE SATAN”. Nasanta turned around and had the wierdest eyes I had ever seen and said very innocently “Who,,,,Me?” And proceeded to walk out of the temple. I couldn’t understand at that point, but kept on chanting louder and louder. People all over began to pass out. It was so hot in the temple. We finally got some doors opened and Sri told us what was happening. How the dark forces were upon us and after our minds. Sri then began to cast out the demons (thought forms) which were all over the ashram. Next thing I knew, we were going to burn all of Nasanta’s things in her office. I went in and grabbed some things and brought them outside. At that point, a million doubts hit me and I was really scared. What in the fuck is happening to Sri and Morningland? Where is all the peace and love? I walked around to the back where there was mass confusion and came back in where I saw Sri casting people (even disciples) from the temple, calling them demons. I was flipping out at that point and had a flash of what Morningland had done for me and that it was worse out in the world and I had come this far and this is what I believed in. I would do anything for the “plan”. After all, what had I to lose? The battle went on and Sri explained that this was a mental battle and went around clearing thought forms. During the entire battle they really were after Celta’s mind and at one point she verbally was attacking Sri. And it was so easy to see how the dark forces worked. Putting thought forms in our heads and catching any old fears, jealousies, emotional tapes, that could bring us down into the battle zone. Another point of heavy demonization is when Sri noticed that Sherry was really possessed. We got her in the middle of the main circle and Aria tried helping her. Sri had just a few minutes before explained to Aria that she was being transformed and given much more healing power than she had previously had. She was still trying to help Sherry when Sri said to “Get away from her” and said “you’re a mockery of the master”. “He healed you the first time he met you, but you denied it over and over again.” Sherry started crawling all about and tried to get up. She kept falling and saying, “I can’t”. Then she said “What will happen if I get up?” Sri said “Do you hear what she’s saying? Do you know who that is?” Around then Sri said that Sherry would be our verification. When she could walk, we would know everything was right. (edit 2000 – for those who don’t know – Sherry suffered from advanced stages of MS)

What was going on in our beautiful Temple that day would probably been termed by psychologists as mass hysteria, and yet at one point we were notified that the police had been called on a kidnap call. In approximately 2 minutes, we were all organized and dispersed into the other side of the temple. As there were around 250 of us in the temple at that time. We all kept chanting in our minds and when the police arrived, Morningstar stalked to them for a couple of minutes and they said “Kind of quiet night, huh?” Morninnstar said “Yeh.” Then they asked a couple of questions and left. A note here should be in that during that whole week of intense loud chanting no one ever called nor did the police ever come around as they usually do. We were told around 6 PM that everything was all right, but to stick together as much as possible.

Friday November 12, 1976

Friday morning I got up early and went to the temple to see what was going on. Saravati and a few of us started to sing to help ourselves and other disciples up. Sri came in around noon meditation to explain what was going on. After than, Steve, Liz and I went all over San Diego trying to find the flame. (Edit 2000 – the flame was the car that Nasanta drove.) We came back to the temple around 5:30 PM and Sri was reading from the Book of Urantia. We left and went out to eat and got home around 11 PM and the phone rang. It was ParaDas. He said Malickia wanted to talk to me about the astrology table Desiree and I had been making. She asked a few questions and said to take it outside. Then she said, “Are you OK?” I said “I’m fine.” Then she said, “Why don’t you come to the temple” and I said “That’s OK, I’m alright. Then she said “Moonwolf – why don’t you come to the Temple?” I realized what I had just said and said “OK – I’ll be right there.” When I got there, I went into the temple and found out they were attacking Celta because a couple of disciples were given one of Celta’s blouses and these disciples were into black magic. To counter attack, Sri had them go get the blouse and we burned it at the temple chanting all the while. There were about 12 – 15 of us there.

A little while later Saravati came to the temple and she was not Saravati! She had been taken over and Sri realized that she had given some peace of Saravati’s clothing to Cathy and they were after Saravati’s mind now. Sri sat her in her healing chair in the middle of the circle and told her what was going on. Sri had the sweater and we burned that. While the ceremony was taking place, Sri apologized to Saravati two times. The first time Saravati gave her forgiveness, but didn’t mean it. The second time it was REALLY Saravati forgiving Sri. That night was my first glimpse of ceremony to combat their ceremony – the dark side.

Saturday November 13, 1976

I got home around 2:30 and around 8:30 the phone rang and it was Saravati. “Get down here as fast as you can!” Not much fear by now and I went immediately. Everyone was being summoned to get to the Temple. It was something BIG this time. We fought siege after siege and most of us thought after the reading that we’d be physically at the Temple till Wednesday. Trips were organized to get K rations and off they went, chanting all through the mission. The Gopis were supposed to go to a presentation in San Marcos but realized at the time they needed to be at the Temple and another battalion went to do that duty. If we went anywhere, two or three went with us for protection. Steve and I were on guard duty most of the day. As my mind chanted the mantra, an occasional thought would seep through. Things like, “Life goes on”,” no-one out there realizes what is happening”,” they’re all in their little boxes or shells”.

Later in the day Sri said that it was OK for a few at a time to go and take care of things in the world and I was totally amazed and shocked at some of the ridiculous reasons people came up with so they could leave. “I’ve got tickets to a show”. “I have to feed my fish.” “I don’t remember if I locked my house.” It totally blew me out. Here we were fighting for our souls and yet we’re so caught into our materialism. We each had some list or another that tried to shake us into the plunge. Some were so subtle you really had to be on to catch them. One instance was when one disciple came to the temple with this antique smoking stand. I saw it and freaked, then I cut it as he explained DONATO had said he could bring it to the Temple as a gift, so I let IT in and put it in Sri’s office. I was in the Temple and heard some commotion in the reception room. Sri was battling with these hideous beasts that were in the smoking stand I had let in. It was removed and I ran a few guilt tapes but was aware of my initial thought and how we must follow them. One really hard test for me was when my rainbow bridge to MORNINGLAND came in Saturday night to see what was going on. She hadn’t been coming for a couple of months and hadn’t been to the battle Thursday. I briefly explained that she had to totally accept the plan and who DONATO was and be willing to flow and fight like hell. She said she couldn’t accept that and left. But for all of those who left, there were those brand new people who came in to fill the position. There were six or eight new disciples accepted at the battle that night. Another beautiful point of reference concerning compassion is when Ruben came to the Temple and Vicki stayed home for she was afraid we had all gone flippo! Four or five Yan and a couple of Yin went to fetch her to the Temple. They got there, and she wouldn’t move from her fortress. They called the Temple and Melickia talked and soothed her in the most beautiful, graceful way I had ever seen. She talked with her for at least ten minutes and the next thing you know, in came Vicki. Well, it looked like Vicki! It took a long time and much work from all the disciples, but she finally came out of her stupor.

There was a break from battle and we had the most beautiful Love Feast ever. It was unexplainable what it was like. Back to chanting and after awhile Sri says there is no fear in the room. We are all ONE with DONATO. Everyone is jumping up and down and we started chanting again. There was a complete Oneness beaming from one center to the next and when there would be telephone communication, Crestline would say like everything’s OK right now but 15 minutes ago it was heavy and we would have just gone through the same thing. We were really hooked up into telepathy. The chanting continued and then there was a short break. As I looked around there was a real battlefield air around the Temple. It was like there were wounded and hurt bodies everywhere, children crying, medics helping the wounded. The odors that reeked from the ethers were grotesque. A few minutes later, Sri had a chart and gave us a reading of what we were fighting for, Our Ascension, The City of God. A few minutes after that Sri announced that we had a breakthrough to upstairs and now Monelio and his army could assist and help battle. Then we went into heavy fighting and around 11:30 Sri explained we had just conquered disease and said we were going through the seven seals referred to in the Bible. Also says that was is ahead of us.

The chanting resumed and got intense as did the smells in the air. We were marching through rivers of blood and climbing over mountains of armory and walking through all the corpses and limbs that people had lost. We were smashing this monster once and for all. The chanting at times got so fast it’s almost impossible to imagine. Throughout the ordeal were weak ones and there were the strong who kept pulling and dragging them on. We were all going home, not just some of us. Toward the end of this seal we had to smash and smash and smash ’till finally we had broken down the door which was immense in size and thickness. This was a heavy battle and many were wounded or weak so Sri asked many to go into the other rooms to rest and told them that it was OK. We needed all the strength we could for the next battle.

Melickia was at one healing chair and Sri was at the other and as we chanted the two did healings to all who were in the circles so we could be clear completely free of ego, and many were wounded ethereally. Healings went on for quite awhile and many were asked to go and rest. The intensity grew each time we came to a seal and we knew it in our higher minds and also we watched Sri constantly to see what was happening. When she was sitting down everything was usually OK, but when she got up and started going with her hands in the air, you should have heard us then. We were so loud and we went so fast it was like listening to a 33rpm record on a 78 rpm setting. I mean fast and hard. It got so hot for awhile I almost passed out., It seemed as though it had been lifetimes since we had begun the battle. I was keeping my voice, how I don’t know. I kept wishing Sri would pick up the bell and each time it would get more intense. I would try to catch someone’s eye contact so we could work together. Every now and then I would catch Desiree who was going like a hurricane or out of control robot. She went so fast and so loud and so long, it was amazing. As I’m running all these tapes and growing weaker by the second, there was a huge blast. I thought we had taken off from the planet earth. I could have changed for days after that. I knew we had to win, no matter how long it took. A few minutes later, (It could have been days for all I knew), Sri turned to the pyramid and we all did the same. We were still chanting madly. All of a sudden I thought to myself, well, THIS IS IT, we’re all going home. After Sri range the bell, she said something like ‘WELCOME TO THE KINGDOM, WE ARE ALL ONE WITH OUR MASTER DONATO THE CHRIST AND WE ARE ALL ONE WITH THE HOLY FATHER”. I stood there with chills running up and down my spine, just waiting to drop the shell.

Sunday November 14, 1976

Then Sri said something like, “Would you like to go see our first sunrise on our plant? DONATO has given us this planet, now it’s up to us to reach and help all our screaming brothers and sisters.” We all started wandering out the back in our bare feet and blankets to check out our new world. It was really cold out and cloudy. When we stopped to watch the sunrise, Sri asked Quota and Saravati to sing Silver Spaceship. At that point most of us could hardly talk, never-the-less sing, but we did sing it and watched the molten gold pour through the skyline. funny thing about that morning, the sun rose in the South and a bunch of disciples along with Melickia and Sri took off up the mountain to find it. We found out later that those weren’t clouds in the air, it was the astral planes burning up. Over the news the next day, scientists couldn’t understand the huge radiation clouds in the atmosphere and why it wasn’t harmful. We knew though!

After sleeping for quite awhile, at least six hours, I woke to a really cloudy and weird looking day. The sky looked as if there had been a huge fire. I felt kind of in a fog. I went to the Temple for Sunday Services and everyone was in such Oneness. No-one could talk but we made an effort as there was going to be a TV show filmed at the Temple that night. Our beautiful Temple that had doubled as a battlefield was once again quite peaceful and clean. someone had told me to call in DONATO and feel how high my kundalini was. I was so hot I was amazed. Then a few minutes later, our cosmic friend Sri came up to me and took my hands and said, “Call in the Master. Go up.” I felt a super rush and high. When I opened my eyes and looked into two of the most beautiful, compassionate, strong eyes I felt taller an really light and buoyant. Sri then said, “Feel your kundalini” and I felt like it was around a foot above my head.

Sri said we had to gather all that were in the battle so she could break them through the thin membrane so they could be born. I felt so fresh and new it is unexplainable. The minstrels began to sing a song. We all sang as best we could and were laughing and bubbling all over. They did some filming and Sri gave some very special projections on how wars would begin to cease, how disease would start falling away and many more. It was exciting. After service Sri continued to bring people through the final membrane. I felt at one point I should stay close to Sri and went over where she was standing. something was happening and we all started gathering around Sri to protect her as she was going through this transition. We all chanted mentally and when she was better and we all left, I reflected on what strength and endurance and what excruciating pain and shit Sri had helped take us through and I felt a real feeling of NAMASTE’ SRI PATRICIA AND OUR BELOVED MASTER DONATO THE CHRIST.

Monday November 15, 1976

Monday morning I went to the Temple and found out that the Gopis were under heavy attack. A few people had gone over to Sri’s to see if they could help and were sent away. One of these people was Gay-O-Numa. The string of events that happened after this is a good example of what fear can do. I was working in the bookkeeping office, Dona, Van-Lox, and Persia were in the astrology workroom where they were in the now doing charts. I was in and out of the Temple and people were mentally chanting to help the Gopis all through the Temple. Around ten minutes later, I walked in the Temple and on the door was a note. I don’t remember the words but the message was “FEAR”. I walked in the Temple and there was a circle forming and the healing chair and Sri’s chair was in the middle of the Temple with DONATO’S pictures and Sri’s picture and glasses on her chair. There was a feeling of great fear in the Temple at that point. I went into the reception room and the receptionist was calling people to tell them to chant for the Gopis. I explained to her that all she was doing was causing much fear in the disciples and she agreed to stop phoning. I then asked what was going on and if a Gopi had said to do what was going on in the Temple. She aid no. We both went in and explained what a feeling of fear was in the Temple and that there was plenty to do to stay in the Now like keeping the Boutique open and everything as normal, and usual as possible. The circle broke and everybody got back to work.

A little later, Steve and a few other disciples were in the reception room when Ti-Ova called and said she needed help with Gay-O-Numa. four of us went to get him and bring him to the Temple. He was in an epileptic state, he was being attached so heavily. But his mind was still with us and he’d tell us when an attack was coming on. He would try to chant but his face was going in so many muscle spasms he couldn’t. One other thing was that it took two men to each limb to hold him down because of the adrenaline strength he had. Seeing what was going on in Gay-O-Numa, Candy and Mataji were flipping out and we helped calm them. Next think I knew we were getting a crew together, to bring all of Nasanta’s stuff to Valley Center to burn it. We had two or three trucks full of stuff and took it to Valley Center and dumped it. It was nice to get rid of all of it finally.