On leap year 1976, I entered ML for the first time at the age of 22. I believe it was a Sunday service. I was a searcher, searching for a place of truth that held no hypocrisies or dogmas like almost all the religions and cults I had experienced before. I was into astrology, believed in reincarnation, loved the North American Indian way, and had just read The Third Eye by Lobsang Rampa. So, I guess you could say I was fairly diverse and was searching for a place of diversity and acceptance. I had worked since I was 15, had achieved material success and owned my own home, but realized there was far more to life than money. I had close family ties. My mom was young, and we were really friends. I had many creative interests and really enjoyed life. However, I did suffer from bouts of depression. All and all I felt like a pretty well-rounded person. Was self-assured, goal-oriented and successful.
ML was extremely intriguing the first time I went. The energy I felt was that of love and community, something I had also sought on my journey of self-exploration. So, I decided to take a “oneness” class. I remember that the premise of women ministers was exciting to me, as I had always felt that women had been given a bad rap in the religious world. Let’s face it, how many religions and/or churches have female ministers? The term ‘we are all one’ certainly struck home with me, as I could never understand the separations people on this planet had caused. Most everything I heard there – in the Oneness class – rang true to me in my heart center. They spoke of healing oneself, looking inward to find the answers rather than blaming others. The blending of the Eastern philosophy with Western were things that I had never experienced anywhere else. As time went on, I spent more and more time taking astrology, numerology, any class I could to further my knowledge. I also got readings, which literally blew me away. I had had readings other places before, but never experienced the accuracy of the readings I got in ML.
It couldn’t have been 2 months before in a reading, Sri Patricia had received my name, but I was not yet a disciple. She said it was quite rare that this occurred and maybe it had been the first time it had happened. So I immediately asked for a meeting with Donato to become a disciple. I had often seen the man in the Hawaiian shirt, which coincidently I had been a great fan of Hawaiian shirts long before ML. And in my meeting with him, which was rather brief, I remember a man with a great sense of humor yet a sense of purpose and direction like no one I had met in my life. I don’t remember exactly what was said other than I was accepted as a disciple and I was high as a kite! As I look back the reading with Sri where she received my name could be viewed as the beginning of the manipulation. I choose to use the word manipulation over the words mind control as I truly feel that manipulation and NOT mind control were Sri’s tools. I know for a fact she had read just about every spiritual book one could get their hands on at that time. It is my opinion that she wished to be a Diva that people adored and worshipped. And, through her skill of manipulation the downfall was immanent. You see, the reason I was able to spot this later on was because my life lessons had dealt seriously with manipulation. It is my belief that the reason I came to ML was to learn about manipulation and power and that absolute power corrupts absolutely.
My ML journey over the next year and a half was one filled with excitement about becoming a telepath, palmist, a teacher, a spokesperson, a model, a leader. Things that in normal life would have taken years and years to accomplish. However, in that short period of time through a complete devotion to learning, I was able to achieve all of these goals. At what price? Let’s see……… no job, no family, no friends other than ML, lost my house and most of my material possessions and ultimately – my soul. You see, I had entrusted the most sacred part of my life into the hands of another – Sri Patricia. Had worked, believed and dedicated my life to something called “The Plan”.
What saved me from ML? My incessant desire to know “WHY”. You see I had always wanted to know why and religion and ‘why’ are like vinegar and oil. They don’t mix. This is how the leaders in religion keep their power. For awhile I stored all my “whys”, like when Donato died and ML had gone through the battle of Armageddon. I guess because I so desperately wanted to believe that what ML taught was REAL. I wanted to feel that I WAS a disciple of Jesus. That I was helping the 144,000 ascend to a perfect place. And that my life had more meaning than the almighty dollar. I still do. What I experienced in the acid trip known as “The Battle” was so disgustingly real I cannot believe to this day that it wasn’t. Now, I’m not saying that I completely believe that we ML people truly fought these battles predicted in the Bible, but I also can’t say that we didn’t. My experiences in ML, seeing into other dimensions, tapping into people’s minds and reading their thoughts, I believe, were REAL. They continued after ML ended for me and the reason that I believe that they are real is that I’ve learned if one concentrates their energy focused for a long time without outside distraction, they can make their heart stop, they can levitate, they can read thoughts, and so on. So, Donato died 40 years early and we went through the battle. Didn’t make sense. The Gopis left, when we’d been told if anything ever happened to them that was the end of ‘The Plan’. Didn’t make sense. And no one would answer my ‘whys’. I awakened one day to find I had no skin. I was freaked, to say the least. So I called Sri. She told me some story that I didn’t accept and I recalled that a week earlier I had been in LB, looked in a mirror in the foyer and all I saw was a skeleton. Now, mind you, I had gone from 180 lbs to about 140 in my two year stay at ML. I mean, how much weight can you gain when you sleep 4 hours a night, smoke cigarettes incessantly and run the rest of the time? Getting back to the phone conversation – I told Sri I thought I was dying. She said “Oh no, Moonwolf. You’re just taking on the death of the Gopis since you’re becoming the new Apostles of the New Age”, or something to that affect. The ‘you’re’ in this case being the Brahman of the inner circle.
She said that the Gopis just hadn’t worked out. So upstairs had sanctified that the inner circle take over the roles of the Gopis. At that point in time, sitting there looking at myself with no skin, she could have told me that I was taking Donato’s place and it wouldn’t have mattered. All that really mattered was that I could leave. However, there was fear. Would I become a Quark? So I asked her what would happen if I were to leave. Would I become a Quark. The answer……..No. I could leave for as long as I needed to and come back whenever I wanted to and I would be same status, same clarity, etc. “So I wouldn’t become a Quark, Sri?” “No Moonwolf.” In my mind at this point I’m remembering how Nasanta, the so-called Judas who had been cast out during the clearing sessions would ultimately become a Quark according to Sri, someone with no memory of ML. I had also been told in this very conversation that I was taking on the death of the Gopies. Which in my mind meant they left and they were dying. So that was the statement that broke the camel’s back. I then realized that her manipulation was out of control.
The problem is, I had no family, no friends and no place to live if I left the house I shared with Benares, Chang, Pindar and Tania. So, I chose to watch for a few days. I’d go to the temple. I’d stand in the back of a class that Sri would be teaching and I’d sneer, laugh and generally became an irritant. At some point the Melikia/Mahanta entity would call meetings with the Inner Circle. As I now know, they had their own agenda. However then, their purpose was to make sure we were ‘clear’ and they would drill us till all hours trying to find out where our heads were at, accusing us of thinking that there was more going on with them than met the eye. In other words, we were thinking that they were having an affair. Personally, since Mahanta was married and I still believed the Gopis were celibate, this was the last thought in my supposedly clear telepathic mind, and it pissed me off that they would accuse us of such crap. I just wanted to know why we weren’t privy to what happened to the Gopies. They wouldn’t say. I also remember they were extremely hard on Pindar for some reason.
After one night of such drilling, my roommates and I went home. There’s a point that I failed to make earlier about my “roommates”. Benares, Pindar & myself had been placed together as a unit called a Tribunal by Patricia. You see, she was into experimentation in regards to people’s sexuality. The outcome of this triad was scary to say the least. The night I told you I had sneered, etc., in Patircia’s class, I had gone home and gone to bed earlier than the 3 or 4 AM that was normal. But Benares, who was Sri’s closest Lieutenant, had gone out with her. He was also at the time doing drugs and drinking with her. So comes home that night, yanks me out of bed, puts a pair of scissors to my throat and tells me I had better shape up. You could say I was freaked to put it mildly. I’m pretty sure it was at that point I informed all of my roommates of my conversation with Sri in regards to my leaving. I don’t know exactly how many days it was before the break-up, but it couldn’t have been more than a week.
One of the things that sticks in my mind about one of the drill evenings with M & M is the comment “Moonwolf. You’re the nut we just can’t crack”. I believe in my heart of hearts that was the nicest thing that has ever been said to me. You see, if I hadn’t followed my own heart and questioned the way I had, I might be one of those people that have spent 25 years in ML. Upon reading Pindar’s poignant ‘last days’ story, I came to realize the great amount of pain that I experienced at the end caused a complete mental block. I still do not recall the hotel room meeting with Sri or the entire scene at the temple when we told everyone the truth. You see, when one allows their soul to be manipulated, it is one of the most painful experiences of one’s life. For a period of about 7 years after ML I struggled with any belief system. Since I couldn’t discern truth from lies, I had to throw it all away. But, in time I was able to reconnect with my higher self and discern which was which.
In 1989, following my heart and an astrological hunch, I moved to Oregon. I was in search of my soul mate. My life had gone back to the ‘path’ or the ‘Good Red Road’ which more closely identifies my current belief system. And I met my soul mate. We’ve been together for 11 years, practically day and night since the first day we met. We struggle with financial things, but we are both artists and we do the best we can in keeping with our belief system and not getting caught in the material world. But since it is a blend, we’re continually working on it. We have our brief moments of bliss and we have our heavy doses of reality. We still have a dream that people can live in community. Can have the incredible love that we all felt in ML. And as long as we all can believe that, someday it will exist.
It is very important that all who read this know that I am at complete peace with Sri and my ML experience. It was one of the most painful and blissful times of my life. I learned many lessons that I wouldn’t have learned otherwise. And, I cherish it – but would never go back.
Pease, Love & Blessings to all who read this post