How the Gathering Came to Be
This is my story, for those who have asked, about how this list [the mailing list] and The Gathering idea came to be… I send these words out with the same intent that has been in motion from the beginning…..to heal…
For the past 4 years or so, I have been moving through a spiritual process that has, at times, been very painful. I have written before about how I found myself re-engaging with others who were on a spiritual path, via the computer and then by local association with a few small groups here and there. After my children reached a certain age of more independence, I found that I had some time to devote once again, to spiritual pursuits and studies. It was as if a cycle had completed for me… Not that I don’t consider family-raising and motherhood to be spiritual – (because I really see how ultimately spiritual that whole process is and necessary to balance out my years of metaphysical immersion), but to finally begin picking at the scabs of my own wounds from the past and discovering techniques that would both explain them to me and help me heal. I consider this an on-going process – and one that I credit to the healing intent of others who have both helped me and shared techniques with me that worked – (primarily the shamanic has been the most powerfully effective for me). At a certain point, I think I was well enough, or whole enough, to take on, or recognize, a task.
I began to try to build a web site that could be accessed by anyone searching for Morningland on the web. This was before web page creating became facilitated by Netscape, etc, and following about a year of fruitless searching under ‘Morningland’ myself. I took a class, and tried without success to get my little web page registered with the search engines. Even to this day, I get emails from those search engines telling me things that would indicate that I AM registered with them, but if you do a search for ‘morningland’ my page does not come up. This was a very frustrating period for me because as time went on, I felt more and more strongly that I just HAD to do this. I wanted to dialog – to connect – to heal and to share. So many missing pieces – things I couldn’t remember – questions I had – surely there must be others out there feeling the same way? We just HAD to find each other….
I asked in meditation for help. I asked to be shown what to do and to have someone show up who could help me. Then, I dropped it. I moved in to an intense couple of weeks of really digging at my oldest and most painful memories and primarily via the Recapitulation exercise I have shared with you, tried to retrieve more of my personal energy so that I could move past whatever was obviously blocking me from going forward. Primarily, I was dealing with fear issues. I wasn’t really ready yet to come ‘out’, so to speak. I had to track down much deeper levels of my own fears of being ridiculed, humiliated, attacked, called a liar…. how would it affect my teenage children to learn certain things about their mother’s past, what about my husband, family and friends? How much energy was it taking to keep the past so tightly sealed? And why was it screaming for unveiling? What was I potentially mortgaging in this process – and why? What was the intent forcing this opening? Why did I feel so driven to take so many risks? How far would it go? What would be required? Why put myself in harm’s way, so to speak? What was I afraid of? I had to find those fears – dig them out – get that energy back….leave no stone unturned and nothing would then exist that could be harmed. For, by now, I knew that certain things were coming in to manifestation – that the healing energy I was experiencing was going to propel me outside of my little world in to a greater theater, but I didn’t know why or how.
I had to journey past the point of my own fears and programming, and decide, once and for all, that it was NOT Divinely Ordained that my spiritual teacher and his wife had bonded my spirit through manipulations they convinced me were ordered and blessed by the Holy Father. This was spiritual manipulation at it’s worst – energetic vampirism. The personal commitments I made went way beyond the necessary devotion of a spiritual master/disciple relationship… Certain things that happened were not spiritually ‘necessary’ or motivated and NOT dictated by the Hierarchy to be part of The Plan. These were treacherous waters – big sharks swam in them…I had to journey through my own weaknesses and blindness… my tendency to give my personal power away to others….to accept my role as it was in Morningland, and to admit to myself that I had allowed my will to be bound in the guise of Divine Service…And to see and accept that I had hurt others along the way…..primarily by my own weakness.
Finally, I worked my way to shore… I woke up. The Donato/Patricia hold was broken on my Spirit – for up to that point, part of me had remained lovingly loyal and made excuses for their behavior based on my years of programming. This defined the walls of my own prison, confining me in the past. It was the lie corroding the foundation of Morningland…. and at its core, the foundation of my own sanity and wholeness. I was ready to stand in the cold light of scrutiny by others, because there was no corridor left that I had not traveled first myself. And I realized I would probably be standing there alone…
I had to work until I got to a point of clarity – and detachment. That point came one night in a surprise package. I now feel that I was being honed by Spirit to assist in something I could not see at the time. But suddenly, when I reached a point of surrender – where I didn’t care what happened to me personally – or what anyone thought of me – when I was truly detached from outcome, Spirit revealed it’s intent……
As I lay in my bed one night – in a state of what I can only describe as ‘vision’ – I realized that something big was going on. That there was a need out in the world, to create a web of contact with healing as it’s Intent – and without personal motives or fears blocking the way. There are no faces to this vision – no ‘Donato’ peeking through clouds – (although I often see him in dreaming…) and it is very hard to describe to anyone who has not had a similar experience – but let me just say that when you are in one, you know it. I felt like I had stepped outside of time and that a divine presence was speaking to me. (Odd, I know.) It, or they, asked me if I would be willing to help bring together in a group, people who had been in Morningland – the wounded – for the purpose of healing. They showed me the group gathered together – a one-time event – and that something would happen that would be powerful and take care of the core areas of energetic damage for those who would be there. Absolutely, I said Yes…
I was sobbing out loud in the middle of this amazingly powerful, epiphanic experience, but my husband, laying right next to me and a light sleeper, never woke up. They showed me that this was by design. I needed this time for myself, as well as the verification that it was really happening…. They showed me that I still had blockages in my throat chakra area that needed to be cleared, and told me what to do to clear them. They showed me that there was a powerful energy that wanted to reach out to these spiritual souls and offer repair on a very base, energetic level. I told them I would do whatever was required of me to help this manifest. That’s when they showed me that there was risk in doing so – there would be attacks. I asked for protection – and felt it given to me. Any fears instantly disappeared, and to this day, I am not afraid of anyone or anything that other’s might think would harm me. I asked for help in a very mundane way – schedules, money, people, time, etc… and they agreed. I asked for their help in helping my husband to understand. They agreed. Manifestation of the vision I was shown that night, then became the focus of my life’s energy until it happens. I am committed to that 100% – everything else in my life has taken a back seat – everything.
The day before, I had discovered the Morningland.com web page. That seemed to be the trigger – here it was – the vehicle for contact! What a gift! Such a beautiful creation…and the answer to my prayers. I don’t think it was ever supposed to be just me trying to do this – and here came Al and Joern out of the clouds with this lovely page and a similar intent – provide a vehicle for contact. I realized what a wonderful thing this was – Verification AND a check and balance association…. and I saw that it was not just the very people I had asked for to help me, but had been begun long before I got on track with it. I was really in awe of this movement of Spirit – the mailing list was the next step – and as that learning process continues, I gladly give the hours-per-day that it’s management requires… I am so thankful for it.. and all of you…Everything from that point on has just moved gently and easily in to place….over 300 posts in less that 6 weeks so far… wow….
I have no vision past the Gathering, at this point. That is the focus….
Spirit will take care of everything as it has all along. We humans just provide earth-level support in the form of willing facilitation – all of us – not just me. The Gathering will be for everyone who decides to come, and everyone who does will get from it exactly what they need. I don’t claim to have the whole picture – I know I only have a piece, because that is all I’m supposed to have – but I will gladly share it, (what I have so far, that is…)
This is my piece:
At some point, we, as a group, will do a simple meditation. We will have created a sacred space by traditional methods of opening the directions and invoking Guardians/Angels/Teachers/Spirits/Elementals… by whatever name you want to call Spirit. (This can be done before anyone arrives if folks don’t want to be involved in this part of it – but it will be done.) We will then retrieve some energy from our pasts together and then do a little bit of chanting, (Not THAT chant…:) to close the meditation and then close the directions..and go party…(I have seen the incredible damage done by THE ML chant, (you know the one,) reversing via another chanting process not attached to fear….) It’s just a small piece of a larger picture and evening – to which many of you have the other pieces. Certainly, no one who has no interest in doing this sort of thing needs to be there… and those who do, will.
I have taken classes in the Qaballah, and our small group has done some group meditation and chanting – and it’s really cool to feel the power of a group of spiritual people combining their intent again. The thought of THIS group combining that energy is very exciting to me. I know I’d like to experience that with you guys – I can feel the power and heat every time I think of it. So, I hope at least a few will want to give it a whirl together…..
It sounds as though some other things coming together will be music, food, laughter, pictures, movies – maybe a few tears and generally a heart-warming, soul-moving event in which it will just plain feel good to be surrounded again by old and dear friends… (well, maybe old is not the right word.. 🙂 This is a group effort, for sure.
The ‘self-check’s’ I do for detachment from outcome and clarity, and lack of personal motive have become pretty much daily in light of recent attacks….. I am fully willing to step aside and let another more experienced or qualified, be the facilitator – and if not, I will accept that role for this one night – and this one event. If so, it will be the first time I have spoken in a group in 20 years… wow…. I do not, nor have I ever, seen any sort of ‘group’ forming out of this – but neither will I denigrate or negate the powerful healing energy I feel moving in this group, or make any statements that even loosely sound like predictions of what it will do. That which I was shown, I will do. Even if I am the only one in the room… I am committed to fulfilling that request/vision.. whatever you want to call it.
So, please come if you will, join in the Gathering and experience whatever it is that is going to happen together. My mother always told me, “The people make the party.” Absolutely – plus a few other factors…. Yes, I think it’s special. And yes, I think it’s sacred. But I also think it’ll be a helluva good time…. and I’m looking forward to it with great anticipation… April 11th is the date we are shooting for, and as soon as Al, the coordinator, gets back in the country – a time and place will probably be shortly announced.