Quota / Penny: Betrayal

Many people who were excommunicated from Morningland feel it is their fault. They think it was because somehow they betrayed Donato and the Plan, that they were not in Oneness, that they failed in some way.

You did not fail. You and I were betrayed. We were shown images of our heart’s desire – spiritual fulfillment — and we sacrificed bits and pieces of ourselves and our reality out of a sincere hope of attaining our heart’s desire. Slowly and progressively we were lured in with rewards, and in turn endured punishments, because the rewards were connected with our heart’s desire. The more we endured, the closer we believed we came to what we truly wanted.

Like circus performers, we were put through hoops and forced to walk an emotional and mental high wire without proper tools to maintain our balance. When Patricia decided we had to go, we were so off balance that it was easy to topple us. And we left, thinking we fell from grace. We left in shame. We were cut off from the world she created. We were abandoned and alone. The practice of shunning kept us out of contact with our friends still in Morningland and also away from others who were kicked out.

For Morningland’s survival, our excommunication and shunning worked perfectly. Our impurities not only were purged from the group, our minds were so muddled by confusion, shame and/or fear that we would never say a word. That made Morningland safe on the inside and on the outside.

Why were you kicked out of Morningland? What is the shame that you carry from that? Do you even KNOW what your crime was, what your clearing session was all about? Can you remember the things that were said to you? I’ve talked to people who were in the room, were part of the attacks on me. They don’t remember what was said and some don’t even remember being there. I do.

They attacked me for spending too much time with Patricia, for not talking to them as much as they wanted me to, for not engaging personally with them in friendship (therefore appearing distant and aloof), for being chosen to play music in the temple, for being chosen to give readings, for being in the fashion show, and this is how ridiculous it got – for having body hair. Yeah, in that woman’s words, “Hairy little monkey.” That, of course, being a particularly specious spiritual crime. (The accusation is a bit speciest, but let’s not digress.)

Later on Patricia and Melikia introduced additional “crimes,” but I was attacked for thoughts I was not thinking. All in all, the clearing session was based on bogus accusations – from the mundane to the absurd. There was one moment of reality in this entire ordeal, and it was a personal moment between me and Steve/Benares in which he showed me how angry it made him when I claimed to “know” how he felt. Steve, thank you. I try to be careful about that one with people to this day.

But that’s it. All that trauma was inflicted because some people were, by and large, angry at me because they were jealous. What else could they have felt in an elitist setup geared to foster jealousy? So how about you? How legitimate were the accusations hurled at you? They ripped you a new sphincter, but was there really anything so wrong with you to necessitate that? Nope. But you internalized it and have kept silent.

Isn’t it time to break the silence? Isn’t it time to take our power back? Isn’t it time to tell the truth? It is for me. Here is a little more of my story. You may see elements of your story here, too. I hope so, and I hope you say so. Speak your truth and take back your energy, your identity, and your power. Speak your truth.

Here’s the Truth That I See

When Donato was alive, he kept Patricia and many of her impulses under control. When he died, that moderating force was gone.

Rather quickly she began to make Morningland hers. Step one was after Donato’s Funeral. She used it to drive out Nasantta, a healer who had blossomed from a mousy little introvert into a rival for leadership in Escondido. I think Patricia was having trouble controlling Nasantta. I saw her disagree with Patricia, frequently stand up for herself, and the corker was that Nasantta tried to sexually seduce me at her apartment one night (complete with wine and candles). Patricia walked in on it this awkward and very obvious attempt. Because she was surprised and angry, I can guarantee that Nasantta was not authorized to do that, and I assume that she and Patricia were sexually paired. Her action was clearly a betrayal of Patricia, and also of Donato under Gopi rules.

If we had known the facts at that time, we would have realized how ruthless Patricia could be when she felt betrayed. The temple gathering after Donato’s burial turned into the first clearing session, marked by horrible accusations of betrayal, behaviors no one understood, yelling, chanting, and more.

Some people think Patricia was unhinged by Donato’s death and that her fears and paranoia brought about the mass hysteria which we eventually called the Battle of Armageddon/Kurushetra.

Personally, I believe she dropped acid and drew in some really bad energy. I took acid in the ’60s and was around people who took it frequently and I came to recognize the energy of bad trips. That is exactly what I felt that day. Others of you have told me the same thing. I have many reasons to suspect she may have done so. She frequently told us how Donato achieved enlightenment on several hits of Orange Sunshine; I wonder if she felt it was her time to step in his shoes? She certainly enjoyed talking to some of us about past drug use, and although she told the disciples to stop taking drugs, I know she continued using drugs and smoked pot and drank alcohol in my presence.

Nonetheless, after dragging 400 of us through her hallucinatory hell, she began to reconfigure Morningland, establishing herself as the leader of the Gopis by virtue of her marriage to Donato and her self-proclaimed twin-flame status with him. Some of this language was used originally to “explain” why Donato was in Long Beach and Patricia lived in Escondido. They didn’t need to live together, you see, they were twin flames and intimately connected regardless of distance. Uh-huh.

Patricia brought us to believe that while all the Gopis were connected with him in matters pertaining to individual Disciple growth, Donato as the spiritual leader worked through her, and her alone. She brought us to believe that she and Donato were in total telepathic rapport, and that she was his representative on earth, channeling all of Upstairs for us. And she wanted us to believe they were all in a spaceship in stationary orbit over Morningland.

Her delusions of grandeur grew and the vision of herself that she gave us shifted from just being his representative to being his counterpart and equal. She wanted to BE the Master and have everyone feed their energy to HER. Patricia was actually annoyed in the months after Donato died that the disciples didn’t recognize that SHE had the juice. If you questioned her, couldn’t quite believe that Donato was actually here IN her, disagreed with her wacky philosophies and increasingly weird views, she viewed that as betrayal. Melikia used Patricia’s megalomania to her own advantage, whispering her evil into Patricia’s ear, maneuvering people she disliked or was jealous of into the laser-beam of disloyalty.

Jealousy and Betrayal were themes played out periodically. Those of you who were around in the beginning – do you remember Gopi Viontri? She did psychometry and somehow she didn’t get it that sexual activity with disciples was a no-no. This is not a rumor; I know the disciple with whom she dallied. Viontri was bounced out on her butt of betrayal faster than you can say, “Weren’t there Eleven Gopis?”

Yes, there were 11 Gopis:

  1. Patricia,
  2. Morningstaar,
  3. Pathena,
  4. Nasantta,
  5. Gyan,
  6. Tanene,
  7. Aria,
  8. Karisibane,
  9. Celta,
  10. Melikia,
  11. and (whoops, there she went) Viontri.

Donato made Twelve. Much was made of the Twelve. I was told that Donato wanted Tais to be a Gopi, that she would have made it Twelve Gopis, like apostles. When they eventually were down to nine Gopis, they talked about bringing in Saravati, Selendra, and me. Or so Patricia told me. Focusing on the apostle quota (no pun intended), it makes sense. Whether or not that was Donato’s plan, or something Patricia schemed to do to build her own power base, we’ll never know.

Damage to Disciples

Taking the long view of it, I think it is tragic that Morningland devolved from a loving, supportive, and spiritually alive place to a nightmare world in which Melikia’s jealousy and Patricia’s suspicion of betrayal pervaded. So many disciples were attacked, hurt, and humiliated – hundreds. But we weren’t the only ones to suffer. At least WE got out. Those who stayed have had to come to terms with what they said and did. And I believe those of you who conducted the clearing sessions were damaged in a different way — you were being damaged by the destructive seeds Patricia and Melikia planted and nurtured in you.

The most heinous act of everything Patricia and Melikia did, way worse than what they did to me, was what they did to the remaining Gopis. By then I was gone. I can only imagine how brutal it was. All I can say is, I’m so glad Dorie-Pathena and I found each other after all these years. We helped each other heal. I wish for all of the former disciples and Gopis the recovery that we have created for each other, the opportunity to learn our own truths and understand what occurred, and the blessed ability to forgive ourselves for “letting” this thing happen to us.

Although the ability to forgive is a blessing, never forget that you were betrayed. You gave your heart and soul and probably a fair amount of money too, and your trust and faith were betrayed by someone who was incapable of giving you her support, loyalty, faith, or love.